HOW TO PLAY CALVINBALL
Calvinball is a game loved and played by millions. Well, actually by two fictitious cartoon characters, Calvin and Hobbes created by Bill Watterson. But it's still a game, regardless. In order to play Calvinball, follow (or don’t follow) these simple guidelines:
*IMPORTANT -- The following rules are subject to be changed, amended, or dismissed by any player(s) involved.
OFFICIAL RULES
THE MASK
All players must wear a Calvinball mask and no one is allowed to question the masks.
NEW RULES
Any player may declare a new rule at any point in the game. The player may do this audibly or silently depending on what zone the player is in.
USE OF CALVINBALL
A player may use the Calvinball in any way the player see fits, from causal injury to self-reward.
PENALTIES
Any penalty legislation may be in the form of pain, embarassment, or any other abasement the rulee deems fit to impose on his opponent.
THE CALVINFIELD
The Calvinfield, often refered to as the Calvinball Field should consist of areas, or zones, which are governed by a set of rules declared spontaneously and inconsistently by players. Zones may be appear and disappear as often and wherever the player decides. Zones are often named for their effect. For example, a corollary zone would enable a player to make a corollary (sub-rule) to any rule that has benn, will be, or might be declared. A pernicious poem place would require the intruder to do what the name implies. Or an opposite zone would enable a player to declare reverse playibility on the others. (Remember, the player would declare this zone oppositely by not declaring it.) (Figure 1.5a and 1.5b)
FLAGS
Flags hall be named by players whom shall also assign the power and rules which shall govern that flag for particular moment in that particular game.
SONGS
Songs are an integral part of Calvinball and verses must be sung spontaneously through the game when randomly assigned events occur. Songs may also be used as penalties. These random events or punishments will be named and pointed out after the player causes the event.
KEEPING SCORE
Score may be kept or disregarded. In the event that score is kept, it shall have no bearing on the game nor shall it have any logical consistency to it. (Legal scores have included 'Q to 12', 'BW-109 to YU-34, ‘oogy’ to ‘boogy’ and 'Nosebleed to Trousers'.)
THE ONLY REAL RULE
Any rule above that is carried out during the course of the game may never be used again in the event that it causes the same result as a previous game. Calvinball games may never be played the same way twice, and the rule “Calvinball games may never be played the same way twice” and this whole rule must always be used during the whole game.
CALVINBALL EQUIPMENT
MASK
All participants are required to wear a mask.
CALVINBALL
A Calvinball may be a soccerball, volleyball, or any other reasonable or unreasonable, spherical or non-spherical object.
CALVINFIELD (CALVINBALL FIELD)
The Calvinball Field should be any well-sized field, preferably with trees, rocks, grass, creeks, and other natural hindrances to health.
MISCELLANEOUS OTHER OBJECTS
Other optional equipment include flags, wickets (especially of the time-fracture variety), and anything else the players wish to include.
THE HOW TO PLAY CALVIN BALL ARTICLE ITSELF
This article is in no way an actual required, or even integral, part of Calvinball. Actually, you can print this article and burn it to pieces in a ritual to bring back your dead cat if you want. Special Thanks given to the Calvinball Founders Bill Watterson, Calvin, and Hobbes.
See also: Calvin and Hobbes
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