Three things you need to know:

1. I run a super-special service called Ask Peter where you click this link and ask me a question and I answer the question in one of my posts, no matter how difficult the question is. (You can see all the answered questions here.)
2. I went on a vacation and basically didn’t post for the majority of August, and therefore I have a backlog of questions because I’m so popular. (Not really.) I’m now answering a couple questions each week.
3. I will be answering three questions today in this post. Woo!

First Question — Emoticons in Parentheticals

Lets go, hit me up with the first question!

I have a big problem. I oftentimes make humorous parenthetical remarks in my emails, which necessitate an emoticon. However, the end parenthesis ruins the emoticon and causes confusion. It looks like this (have you ever had this problem ;)).

What should I do? I’ve tried spacing (like this ;) ), but it just looks awkward. Help!
– Doug F

Well, that’s quite a precarious situation you’ve gotten yourself into there, Doug. It’s also a situation that many people in the world seem to have trouble solving, so I’ve come to help!

Luckily I’ve come up with a couple of solutions.

The first solution is to change your smile. You can switch to a Japanese-style emoticon that looks like this: ^_^ for happy, ;_; for sad, ^_- for wink, and o.O for surprise. While this may be the best solution, it can often create confusion or make people think you’re just plain weird. (I’m so happy to provide an example! ^_^)

The second solution is to use image smiles. This can work wherever the smiles are provided, or where you can send images. While they don’t work in all places — where they do work, they shine! (And they look like this! )

The third solution is to work your snide comments outside of the parentheticals, and to not use parentheticals at all. It takes a bit of mental dexterity and word-karate, but it can be done with most, if not all, comments that require an emoticon. For an example, I just have this sentence here. :)

Hopefully somewhere between those three solutions you can find something workable. Let me know if it doesn’t work out. Also note, solution four: “stop using emoticons in your remarks” was omitted because it was self-defeating, but it’s a good catch-all solution.

Thanks!

Second Question — Age

The next question comes from Ethan who asks:

How old am i
– Ethan

Ethan — it seems like you’ve got quite a poser there. You’ve given me your name, but you haven’t given me any contact information to send my ninjas after you to verify your age. Even more so, I’m startled that you have to ask me, seeing as most people know their own age. Usually it’s only old people who don’t know their age since records weren’t well kept then, so if you don’t know your age, I’d guess that you’re around 70 or so.

However, if you’re just someone who thinks that I’m a mystical crystal ball who can guess your age correctly, you may still be in luck. Based on the fact that you capitalized your “H”, but decided not to capitalize “I” or include a question mark, there is an increased likelihood that you’re between the age of 10 and 18. I’m going to guess 17 just so I have a slight chance of freaking you out.

How close was I?

Third Question — Pessimism

This last question comes from Katie, who, among a large variety of questions that will be answered in future installments, asked:

What is the best counter to pessimism?
– Katie

Pessimism can be a terrible thing to get out of, mainly because it’s both chronic and unnoticed. Many pessimistic people don’t notice they’re being pessimistic, even when it’s pointed out to them. However, if you want to counter their pessimism, you can attempt to compensate by reaffirming their pessimism by being positive. However, watch out, because this can become annoying. For example:

BOB: Ugh, the rain and the clouds make today such a horrible day.
ALICE: Really? If you look at it the right way, the rain is actually refeshing all the plants so that they’ll be even brighter when it’s sunny. If there wasn’t rain, everything would wither away! So take your rainy day and use it to further enjoy your sunny ones. Maybe you could do something special to feel better.

Assessment: PROPER.

BOB: Ugh, I have to wake up at four in the morning tomorrow.
ALICE: At least you don’t have to wake up at three in the morning!

Assessment: ANNOYING.

 
In example #2, Bob is simply looking for sympathy, and not being a downer. A more correct response would be “Aww, that’s horrible! Why do you have to wake up so early?”

Hopefully some of that advice will be useful in countering the pessimistic people in your life. A little counter-optimism is okay. And remember to give them a hug (if applicable) and maybe some ice cream if you got it.

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