Ever wanted to ask me a question and have it answered on this blog, in front of everyone to see? No? Didn’t think so.

Well, for those who do, I have an Ask Peter series, where people go to this form and ask me a question, and then I respond to them. In this essay, I will do just that.

This is my 22nd edition, and my only edition during my 2011 NaNoWriMo Experiment — it seemed fitting to end the experiment with a bit more inanity and levity. Make it uplifting, you know? (I know the experiment is all I can talk about, but it will be over by the end of the day, so don’t worry.)

But just to kill the mood, I will be racing to answer these questions as tersely as possible because I only have an hour and half until my midnight deadline. The fun! In a world where… – WAIT! I HAVE NO TIME! WHY AM I WRITING THIS INSTEAD OF WRITING QUESTIONS? THIS IS SILLY. QUICK, PETER. FOCUS. ANSWER QUESTIONS. FAST. NOW. GO.

 

Eight Questions From Debbie

All of these questions were sent by a reader named Debbie:

1. Who is your favorite Muppet?
I really like Statler and Waldorf. I appreciate how they are classy and love to heckle. If only we could all be like them. Well, it’s a good thing we’re not, because that would make the world a pretty crappy place.

2. What is your favorite Disney movie?
I really liked Monsters, Inc. While made by Pixar, it still is a Disney Movie.

3. Who is your favorite painter?
I’m not much for paintings, but I did like the period where they actually painted things that looked good, as opposed to whatever this boring square stuff is. Paintings like this just annoy me. My favourite painting itself is Nighthawks, which I suppose makes my actual favourite painter Edward Hopper, though I just had to look up his name to know who he is.

4. Where do you want to go live for a year?
Right here is good. I like my dorm.

5. When was the saddest day of your life?
I’m not really sure, and I don’t want to sort through sad periods in my memory to do the necessary ranking. I think it might be when my grandpa died.

6. Coke or Pepsi?
Coke, definitely. It at least wins in a GoogleFight.

7. Would you want to be an astronaut?
In my imagination, yes, because space seems so cool and dreamy. I would love to go into space. But realistically, no, because it is an awful lot of hard work, and so probably not worth it. I’ll keep dreaming. But I’d never refuse an invitation to Captain Picard’s Enterprise, even if they do get into a lot of trouble.

8. Should teachers get paid based on performance?
This is going to be a cop-out, but I really don’t have enough information to decide. I’d want to do a lot of research before coming to an official opinion, and learn a lot more about the workings of the education system. Policy debates like this should never be a snap-decision, but instead a thorough cost-benefit analysis.

 

Ice Cream Trucks, Revisited

If you remember back to Ask Peter #21, I recieved a question on owning an ice cream truck. The same author, my little brother Ben, has come forward with two follow up questions:

How do I optimize my awesome new ice cream truck’s route?
From Ice Cream Vendor Advice:

The best way to be successful is try to become a part of the community where you are selling. Find out about baseball, softball or soccer game times. Show interest in the games. If a team knows you are a fan of them and support them then they may support you. When you are selling talk to your customers. Find out what other activities they do. Having car dealerships and industrial areas as regular stops is good since even on cloudy days you can still get business from them. The more you drive around a neighborhood the more you learn.

How do I maximize profit for my sweet ice cream truck?
This is a really tough question, because a lot of factors go into ice cream sales. The same website has some more advice:

Just like running any business you should do the math. Determine all your costs and expenses. Then you can decide how much you need to sell to be happy with your income. Establish daily routes, find community areas to sell, be aware of any local events and be friendly to customers are some keys to success.

 

Rapid Fire on Crushes

I received a lot of questions having to do with crushes and love. All of them are stupid. In order to deal with them as fast and stupidly as possible, I will lump them together and answer them rapid fire. Here we go:

do you think my crush rachel myers likes me? — Anthony Poynter
Probably not if you aren’t going to capitalize her name. Most girls don’t like that.

Who loves me more — Abinaya
You didn’t provide options.

Am i loving truely.will i marry him — Abinaya
Not until u learn.how grammar syntax proper work

will i get the girl i want even though shes my best friend — Karl
No, because your stuck in the Friend Zone. Permanently. Because you can’t punctuate or use capital letters.

who am i in love with — Maria
Me. Because I’m awesome.

who likes me — Cristobal
Nobody. Yeah, saw that coming, didn’t you? Eh, punk?

who will i marry? — Ryan McRaney
Someone who also can’t capitalize or spell. Noticing a recurring theme? You probably could find a lot of other people around who also can’t spell… Perhaps you might be interested in Maria there, two questions up?

 

Rapid Fire on Non-Crushes

Additionally, I also get stupid questions that have nothing to do with love or crushes. These, still, also are best answered in a rapid-fire format.

What is my sisters name? — Casey
The name that your parents deliberated on and named her when she was born.

how old am i — daivian ford
Not old enough to capitalize or spell.

Who is sitting on my right? — Kim Clements
Someone completely different, because you have moved since this question was asked.

how old is my mother? — Kathy
Old enough to name a daughter “Kathy”.

when will i die? — Bernie
Within a few hundred years, unless the Singularity occurs.

 

Until next time, you keep being stupid, and I’ll keep being smarmy. Except you two, Debbie and Ben. Stay classy. More people should be like you.