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On Height

how tall am i
– Anonymous

Obviously not tall enough to use capitalization and punctuation correctly.

On Recipes

I hear you get your mind powers from a giant beard……………..like some kinda voodoo guy. Because of this, I wish to test your powers, give me the recipe for making shrunken heads, and gummy worms.
– Yggdrasill

Sure thing, Jon. First off, you heard wrong. I don’t have a giant beard, nor do I derive my powers from anyone else’s giant beard. And I don’t do voodoo… much.

Here is a comprehensive seventeen step process to go from head to shrunk in about twenty hours:
Step 1: Find a dead human head. (How you get one is not my problem. Try Target.)
Step 2: Make a vertical incision going from the neck to the top of the head.
Step 3: Peel off the skin of the head to separate the face from the facial bones.
Step 4: Discard the bones.
Step 5: Turn the skin inside-out and scrape off all fatty tissue.
Step 6: Tie a rope through the top of the head skin.
Step 7: Immerse the skin in a pot of boiling water for up to two hours.
Step 8: Allow to cool.
Step 9: Thread a flexible string around the base of the neck to keep it in shape.
Step 10: Sew shut the incision and eyelids.
Step 11: Heat several stones in a fire.
Step 12: Insert the stones into the neck-hole.
Step 13: Whirl the head around to keep the stones from burning the flesh. Instead, the flesh will shrink.
Step 14: Remold the face so that the features do not become distorted.
Step 15: Repeat Steps 11-13 with progressively smaller stones, until stones no longer fit. At that time, repeat with headed sand.
Step 16: Singe off the fine facial hairs.
Step 17: Allow to cool.

Congratulations, you now own a shrunken head! Here’s a picture of the steps, if needed.

As for gummy bears, Wikihow already has that covered. Ehow has an article on how to make homemade bears too. If you get good enough, maybe you can make one of these!

On Independence Day

When is independance day?
– Catherine

 
To be annoying, there is no “independance” day. The correct spelling of the word is, indeed, independence. To be fair, this is a mispelling I make very often — where would I be without spellcheck?!

When looking for Independence Day, we are again hampered by there being more than one. Nearly every country that is independent has an independence day — it’s celebrated in over forty countries. You can see a complete list of every independence day here at the Wikipedia page.

Of course, Independence Day is also a famous movie aired in 1996. If you want to know the minor things Independence Day could also reference but that the average person doesn’t care about, Wikipedia has you covered… again!

On Love

Do you love me? Love you. <3
- Joe

Sadly I can’t say that I love you, but I’m glad that you love me! I love to be loved!

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