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Why Heaven is Hotter Than Hell

Here’s a very interesting biblical contradiction.

Let’s jump right into it. We can start with the temperature of Heaven, which can be rather accurately computed from given biblical statements. Our authority is the Bible, or Isaiah 30:26, to be precise. If you’d all go to your bible and turn to the chapter, it should read something similar to:

Moreover, the light of the moon shall be as the light of the sun and the light of the sun shall be sevenfold as the light of seven days.

 

Thus, it can be literally inferred that Heaven receives from the moon as much radiation as the Earth does from the Sun, and in addition recieves seven times seven (For those who need to get out the calulator, it’s 49) times as much as the Earth does from the Sun, making for fifty times the sun in total. The light we non-Heaven dwellers (aka “sinners”) receive from the moon is one ten-thousandth of the light we receive from the sun, so we don’t really need to take care of that.

With these data we can compute the temperature of Heaven: The radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation. In other words, Heaven loses fifty times as much heat as the Earth by radiation.

Using the Stefan-Boltzmann Fourth Power Law for Radiation, which is an awesome sounding thing I looked up on Wikipedia which cannot only calculate temperature but also scare any person lacking a postsecondary education.

The law states that (H/E)4 = 50, where E is the absolute temperature of the Earth, which, also according to Wikipedia, is 300°K (273+27).

This gives H the absolute temperature of Heaven, as 798°K. The saved are going to need a bit more than sunblock, because that’s downright roasty.

Blissfully unaware of the Stefan-Boltzmann Fourth Power Law for Radiation.

 

The Tempurature of Hell

The exact temperature of Hell cannot be computed as precisely using Biblical statements, but it must be less than 444.6°C. As stated in Revelations 21:8:

But the fearful and unbelieving[...] shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone.

 

Those who are more astute learned that brimstone is sulfur, and a lake of molten sulfur means that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, which is 444.6°C. (Above that point, it would be a vapor, not a lake.) Of course, Hell could even be colder than that, as long as it’s not below 115.21°C, or the lake would be solid.

Either way, hell is pretty frigging warm and you would boil if you were to sin enough to visit it. However, the 115.21°C to 444.6°C doesn’t even compare to the whopping 525°C that heats the pearly gates.

Pictured: Satan before boiling along with his brimstone.

 

Therefore Heaven is hotter than Hell, and both locales are way hotter than the average heat wave. And we also learned that maybe we shouldn’t trust literal interpretations of biblical thermodynamics.

 
Bonus Fact: Pearl is a form of Calcium carbonate, which has a melting point of 825°C. So the pearly gates would not melt.

Only thing that can survive in heaven?

 

But Wait! There's More!

7 Comments

  1. Jeff says:

    Heh, heard about this earlier. Of course, angels are not made up of matter and energy, I guess, so they wouldn’t care?

  2. Mobo says:

    lol. I guess that could be true of Hell, IF you are assuming it to have a roughly equal atmospheric pressure to Earth. However, I the pressure deviated from ~1 atm, then hell COULD be hotter (or indeed colder) then you have already theorised. But good job ^^

    Similarily, about the Seven thing from Isaiah. As Scholars know, Isaiah is very much sumbolic and open to interpretation.

    Isaiah 30:26 reads

    26Moreover the light of the moon shall be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun shall be sevenfold, as the light of seven days, in the day that the LORD bindeth up the breach of his people, and healeth the stroke of their wound.

    Hence, from this, if taken literally, your conclusion seems to be true enough. However, if you look at the symbolism behind the number 7 throughout the entire bible, you can draw a different Conclusion.

    The hebrew Word for the number 7 is Sheva, as far as I understand. However, this word is also used to symbolise fulness or perfection. Hence, the Earth MAY receive the Perfection of the sun’s light or the fulness of its warmth. This could either be a “perfect” constant temperature, ideal for Living in heaven (seems more in line with standard Christian thinking)or around 20,000,000 K, as taken from the Concise Columbia Electronic Encyclopedia 1994. Thats pretty hot…

    Good article! I enjoyed reading it!

  3. There be the Devil in Hell, since the Devil is a women; Hell is hotter than Heaven, DONE!

  4. Pete (The Rooster) says:

    Wow…we have the same first name. And being a pastor, I was highly offended by this…but not before I was amused. I’ll let God know you’re just kidding so he doesn’t give you boils.

  5. Rick says:

    Hahahahaha

  6. soft-7.com says:

    Я сделаю кросс-пост на Вашу статью, Вы не против?

  7. soft-7.com says:

    Thanks for posting this. Very nice recap of some of the key points in my talk. I hope you and your readers find it useful! Thanks again

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